Space Cadets

This time, reality TV has gone just far enough. Take seven slightly dim Brits to an abandoned military base in the English countryside, tell them they’re going to a Russian space launch site, put them through lots of training, then convince them they’re being sent on an important outer space mission. And televise it. All the while, the erstwhile cosmonauts remain safely on board a reproduction shuttle no more than a dozen feet from the ground. The show, appropriately named “Space Cadets”, is currently airing in the UK. On the last episode, they "shot" three of them into "space." Now just one question: how to explain gravity on board the shuttle? Well, um, ahem, you see the shuttle is in low earth orbit, maintaining some of earth’s gravitational pull and, um, there are also some gravity generators under the floor of the shuttle. Yes. For a reality show, it has some really good writers. Also, it turns out that, according to a rigorous experiment conducted in outer space by one of the Space Cadets, apples do indeed decay more slowly than on earth, probably due to the cleaner air on board the shuttle. Grand. I have only one suggestion for improvement: find the ten or so dedicated viewers who actually believe that the people they are watching on TV are truly in space. I know they’re out there. Find them and send them on a time-traveling mission. Click here to catch up on episodes you missed.