Something for big-shot TV exec's

An idea: Since there are so many hyperspecialized cable / satellite channels available, one more wouldn't hurt anybody, especially if it were a good one. Why don't we have an all 80's channel? All 80's shows, all the time. Good ones, like the A-Team, MacGuyver, Airwolf, Riptide, Dukes of Hazzard, The Cosby Show, Jacques Cousteau's Undersea World, Jeopardy, Back to the Future, and on and on. Plus, on special nights of the week, there could be a lineup of shows broadcast just as they were when they were all on the air - same order and time. It'll be just like the thrill you got when you first saw Michael Jackson Moonwalk. One advantage of the all-80's channel is that there would be good cartoons to watch on Saturday morning again. The business model is great: all the shows are syndicated, so you won't have to build studios for filming and editing. Most shows aren't being watched, so the TV networks aren't making money off them, anyway, so they should be willing to sell or rent the license to show them. It all works. My prediction: an all-80's channel is in the mix sometime soon.

Selling Big Bend State Park

Tomorrow, the Texas State Parks and Wildlife Commission will consider whether or not to sell 45,000 acres of Big Bend Ranch State Park in Southwest Texas. The area under consideration is in a remote Northwest section of the park and would be sold to one Mr. Poindexter, a land developer based in Houston, TX. The proposed rate is $45 an acre, the proposal was submitted on August 15th, just nine days before the annual meeting of the Commission. There has been little public debate about this matter in large measure because the proposal was made so close to the time when the Commission meets. The Commission held its annual public hearing today, during which time anyone can briefly speak to the Commission about whatever they like. I went with a friend, and, having never gone to a public hearing of any sort, planned on not speaking. Before entering, everyone must fill out a form with a box to check whether or not they would like to address the Commission. I checked no, but they still called my name. Since they seemed determined to get my opinion, I thought they should have a chance to hear it. So I asked them to consider whether selling so much land was really in everyone's best interest. At $45 an acre, I might like to buy some of that land. How can it be so cheap? Wish I had photos, but I forgot the camera.

San Antonio Zoo

On Sunday, Laura and I went to the San Antonio Zoo. Five hours on the grounds left our dogs barking, but it was worth it. The variety of animals was very impressive, including some I had never seen before. There were hyenas, gibbons, all sorts of tamarins, small deer from Asia and Africa, more birds than I knew existed, kangaroos and lots more. The animals seemed well taken care of. Below are pictures of a couple snakes. Don't worry, they were safely behind glass.

Above is a rattlesnake of some sort. Its nostril is almost as big as its eye! And those eyes are crystal clear. Below is a Honduran Palm Viper. I was particularly impressed by its color.

Being A Writer

The way I see it, there are two fundamental qualities necessary to be a successful writer. Surely writing a book, at least a good one, is hard work, involving many skills and favoring some character qualities over others. But, in the end, there are just two fundamental skills that all other abilities rest on. They are crucial. Without one of these, an author will never get published, or should he sneak a book past an unattentive editor he will not sell many books. These two fundamental skills are: 1) Writing the Book, and just as important, 2) Naming the Book. Really, it’s that simple. And yet it’s not. If it were, we’d all be authors. I myself am not a book author. That’s because I lack the first ability. Which is a shame, really, because I am unequaled in the second skill. It’s true. James Michener, on the other hand, is just the reverse. He possessed in abundant measure the first skill but sadly overlooked the second. Imagine what he and I could have done together. Heaps of money for me, more heaps of money for him. Until I develop the first skill, I am determined not to let lie fallow my nomenclatural anointing. Perhaps there is someone out there who possesses the first gift, but is discouraged by lack of the second. John Grisham, I humbly extend an offer of my services. Write to me, I’m sure we can work something out. Until then, marvel at just a sampling of my abilities. Think of what Bestseller List topping novel could be identified as “A Day Closer To Never.” It doesn’t matter what the book is about, once you read the title, you won’t be able to put the book down. Or what hot new book will blaze the same path through women’s reading groups as “The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood”? If she is wise, the author of that book will contact me and it will be known to women everywhere and unwitting men close to them as “Between A Woman And Her Sister.” That’s dynamite. Like every good womens’ novel it brings a grimace to my countenance. They’ll make a movie out of that one. Men’s novel titles are equally as cheesy, less creative and more predictable. I can make names for those in my sleep: “Lord of the Journey”, “Quest for Manhood”, “The Soul’s Great Adventure”, “The Godfather.” Oops, that one’s taken. “Wild At Heart.” Oops, that one, too. Better move on. It seems like the best techno-thrillers (judging by covers, mind you, I’m not yet ready to out myself as a techno-thriller aficionado) have nonsensical titles. And I’m ready to slap a label on the next great work. We’ll start with “Children Of The Donkeys.” It could have nothing to do with donkeys. Or children. But that’s what makes a techno-thriller title a techno-thriller title. Same for spy novels. How about “North of Iviag.” No, wait. That’s a fantasy novel. I also have titles for nonfiction accounts of unusual tales. You know, reporter writes about his war correspondent experiences or hippie goes to live with monks in Nepal. Stuff like that. These titles are explicit: the title lets you know just what you’re getting yourself into. Completely different philosophy from techno-thriller titles. So it’s kind of a wish list of books, too. If anyone is out there looking for book ideas, this is your day: guaranteed best-sellers are named below. “Misfortunes and Swellings: My Life With the Bee People of Sri Lanka.” Now, I have no idea if there is a group of persons anywhere on the planet who refer to themselves as “Bee People.” But I sure as the sun rises hope there is. How about “Great Surgical Failures of the late 20th Century: One Man’s Journey and His Lawsuits.” That probably won’t be anything to curl up with, but for some reason I’d like to know that it’s out there. “Charcoal Dust and A Smile: A 21st Century Chimney Sweep’s Tale”. Hmm… Sometimes even a prodigy of book naming can’t help the dunces of book writing. In summary, if you have invested months or years of your time in writing a high-quality book, don’t settle for less than the best in a title. Call me, I’ll give you a title and we’ll split the profits 50-50. Simple as that. And if anyone is good at making cover art for books, show me your stuff and we could be partners.